Psalm 139:1-18

I was in 6th grade when a small group teacher challenged our circle of friends to memorize Psalm 139. I’m sure she taught insightful truths that year and had biblical advice to give us girls, but the only lesson from those weekly gatherings that remains in my heart to this day, is this chapter.

It’s one of the scriptures that sustained me through years of teenage self-doubts, pregnancy with our two boys, moving internationally, wrestling through anxiety, and walking in life’s unknowns.

These words came to me as I was studying recently, so I share with the hope that if you’re feeling unseen, unknown, or unsettled, you’ll take the original Psalm to heart.

Psalm 139:1-18, A Poem

Lord, how deep is your knowing:

Actions I take without thinking, every move, you are tracking.

Thoughts I’ll have- before their coming- you can see them arriving. 

Paths I’m on and where I’m sleeping, you know where those are going.

Words that my lips are still forming, you hear before I’m speaking.

Behind, before, and surrounding, your hand does all the holding.

And anywhere that I’m dwelling, Your Spirit’s present, leading.

Even darkness overwhelming, can’t hide me from your viewing.

You formed me with a belonging, knit-in since my beginning.

Handmade and built to be lasting, “So good!” you called your crafting.

My bones, in dark you were weaving, a temple for your dwelling.

Books opened up for your reading, each day you were preparing.

Thoughts too many for numbering, of me you’re always thinking.

Present even in my sleeping, I find you constant, keeping.

Box-mix Brownies in 2025

I’m pretty confident in my box-mix brownie-making skills. If you drop by last minute, I’ll probably serve you brownies. If you invite me for dinner at your house, I’ll likely bring brownies for dessert.  They’re my default dessert, and I’ve learned how to make them so they’re actually good:

An Aldi brownie box-mix needs ⅛ cup of cocoa added to it for darker, chocolatey perfection. No matter the brand, brownies are best with a generous layer of chocolate chips scattered on top before baking. It takes 28 minutes at 350 degrees for a toothpick - inserted 1” from the edge - to come out without a bit of batter on it. And always cut brownies with a plastic knife. 

If I proudly informed you that all this experience with box mixes prompted me to send in an application to a competitive baking show, you might feel nervous for me and give me a hug and whisper, “No matter what happens, I’ll always be your friend.” Maybe you’d raise an eyebrow, pull me aside, and caution, “What got you here, won’t get you there.”

And you’d be right. As normal as they’ve become in my baking routine, box mixes couldn’t continue to line my pantry if I wanted to grow or excel in my baking skills to become an actual baker. I would need to stop purchasing those convenient boxes. They would have to go before I could grow.

During the weeks leading up to the turn of the New Year, I wasn’t thinking too much about my trusty box mixes, but I had this question for the Lord: 

“If I want to be more like You in 2025, what is it that got me here that won’t get me there?” 

What has become part of my life that might have been acceptable and possibly even helpful, but it doesn’t actually facilitate growth for what’s ahead? Yes, my relationship with God is good enough, but so are box mixes. 

What needs to be cleared out of the pantry shelves of my life so that growth in 2025 is possible? We often add goals without subtracting something first, and that kind of constant addition only defeats growth. What rhythms, routines, and habits got me here, but they won’t get me there?

For 2025, one option I’ve removed from my shelf is Facebook. It’s not that I considered myself extremely distracted by it, but it’s what the Lord led me to do in answer to the question I asked Him.  It might be for now, or it might be forever, but it’s not the answer He’ll give everyone; I love how individual and active His leading is! 

What I’ve personally found over the past month without Facebook, is that I have a greater capacity for what’s in front of me - for the family, friends, neighbors, joys, challenges, and ministry right where I am. But don’t expect to see me on any baking shows; I’m holding on to my box mixes.

God of Both/And

Inspired by Luke 1:5-25

Incense swirled its way upward, outward, heavenward.

Forgive Your people

Send the Messiah

Give us a son

Zechariah stopped mid-prayer, chiding himself for that last request and shaking his head that it lingered still. Truly, it had been a desire long ago, voiced by himself and Elizabeth, but as decades passed, it had crystalized into a wordless ache.

Remember your people

Keep your promise

Give us a - 

Not again! Enough with the personal issues! He took a deep breath, the aroma filling his nostrils and focusing his senses. He was there at the altar of incense on behalf of Israel’s long-held hopes, not to bring up his own impossible ones. How selfish of me, and how ridiculous!  If God had been silent towards the entire nation for hundreds of years as they prayed, then surely God’s lack of response to his private burden should be understandable by now. Plus, with age came natural limitations. Priorities, he told himself.

Deliver your people

Bring us hope

Give - 

Suddenly, off to his right, he sensed someone nearby. All of the people were just outside praying; who would dare to enter this sacred space? He looked over and turned white with dread.

“Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer has been heard.”

In a millisecond, questions flashed through his mind: Which prayer? For the nation or for Elizabeth and me? Which one has been heard? How could either of them really be answered?

God would break centuries of silence to answer both an elderly couple’s cry for a child and a nation’s cry for a Deliverer.  John would be his parents’ fulfilled prayers and Israel’s final prophet announcing their Messiah. We don’t have a God who has to pick between either/or; He is the God of both/and.

Do you pray believing that? Or do you filter your prayers, as if God has to choose one or the other? Has time decreased the probability that He can answer at all?

I’ll be taking a blogging break over November & December, so Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

12 Books from 2024

Although we’re still two months out from the close of 2024, I take a break from blogging at the beginning of November until the New Year. Since that leaves only one more blog post before 2025, I’m sharing some of what I’ve read this year, and maybe it will make your list for next year.

From books covering theology to methodology, my goal is to grow by considering perspectives that challenge, adjust, or reinforce what I think and believe.

I also try to learn at least one lesson from those whose lifestyles might feel foreign to me. I learned from a Quaker steadily boycotting slavery long before the American Revolution and from a legendary rock star shouting injustice in the spotlight that I have a role to play in my generation, but its effect may not fully be realized in my lifetime.

Reading equips me a little more for that role. I’d love to know if you’ve read any of these!

A Non-anxious Presence, Mark Sayers

All My Knotted Up Life, Beth Moore

Developing Female Leaders, Kadi Cole

The Journal of John Woolman, John Woolman

The Paradise King, Blaine Eldridge

The 6 Types of Working Genius, Patrick Lencioni

Practicing the Power, Sam Storms

Practicing the Way, John Mark Comer

Streams of Living Water, Richard J. Foster

Surrender, Bono

Timothy Keller, Collin Hansen

Write Useful Books, Rob Fitzpatrick

Dead or Alive

Being just two weeks away from Halloween, more skeletons are turning up as lawn ornaments on my daily walks through our neighborhood. Bones dangling from green tree branches and skulls peering out from the grass have earned the term decoration. Death resurfaces, becomes normalized, and gets celebrated.

And death can resurface in our spiritual life, Colossians 3:1-11 tells us. Remains that have been buried, because they’re old and dead, rear their ugly head. Skeletons in the closet creep out to the front yard and become socially acceptable, even celebrated:

Immorality

Impurity

Passion

Evil desire

Covetousness

Idolatry

Anger

Wrath

Malice

Slander

Obscene talk

Lies

Racism

Elitism 

Legalism

Any of these that may have once been a part of my way of life, my culture, my natural responses, my worldview, and my social status, belong to someone who is actually dead. If I’m raised with Christ, then that means I died, so I put these remnants of death in the grave, not in storage.